gina dillon

The Land of the Housemaids

“She used to sit, watch TV, and eat all day. Not even one hour work a day. When we went out, she only ordered the Ribeye and the shrimps. One day she woke up and I swear she was possessed… Screaming Allah in the backyard and making cou-cou and ouah-ouah sounds…. the next day it got louder. I knew I had to send her back when she put a white towel on her head and started walking like a mummy. It was FREAKY!”

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In the Beginning

Eventually I weeded through all the weird and funky stuff such as KFC (they serve odd pieces of the bird that I didn’t even know existed — second thought, is it a bird? And what really ticked me off is a hamburger bun in lieu of a biscuit. Freaking commies), Dominos is just awful, Pizza Hut serves ketchup with the pizza, Hardees has odd combinations that no true American would be caught dead putting in their mouth, and then there is Subway. Thank GOD for Subway.

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The Election

The absolutely worst scenerio for me. Here we are, most of us are in the UAE for the first time. Probably just arrived a month ago, feeling completely and utterly lost, and I am running against someone who has the answers to the questions on the minds of everyone in this room. Such as, where do I find Charmin toilet paper? A gas station? And Miracle Whip? I prepared a strategy which usually works for me. In a pinch crack a joke. Yes, absolutely, this is what I will do. And then it dawned on me. How exactly do I win the Korean vote? I’ve never gotten the punchline to a Korean joke — have you?

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Immigrants and Bill

At first they are a little frightening because as Americans we are not used to seeing people from areas that are so poor and so under-developed, and at first, these people appeared barbaric but eventually I got used to seeing them and realized that I have nothing to worry about because the crime rate here is very low and the place is extremely safe.

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My First Arab

I have found Arabs tend to be very soft spoken, quiet and extremely polite. I could envision myself holding hands with this man on the White House lawn. Why not? And I must say, some of these guys are extremely handsome. And it doesn’t hurt that they drive Ferraris.

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The Interview Trip

Did I oversleep on the plane and wake up in the Phillipines? I thought to myself as I walked through the Abu Dhabi airport and noticed there were very few Arabs and hundreds of Filipinos. It was odd. I also found it interesting that there were people from all over the world dressed in a variety of different styles: fully covered, semi-covered, and not covered at all — not at all like I was expecting. Where are the swordsmen ready to behead me if I show my shoulders?

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The Plan

“I moved out of house 1 and into house 2. Have to unload/release 1, 2, 3 cars, sell the stuff in 1, 2, 3, 4 storage units that have been gathering dust since 2010. Obtain 1, 2, 3 visas to a country that doesn’t give them away liberally. Plan 2 vacations, 1 to bribe my […]

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