Mothers

The Land of the Housemaids

“She used to sit, watch TV, and eat all day. Not even one hour work a day. When we went out, she only ordered the Ribeye and the shrimps. One day she woke up and I swear she was possessed… Screaming Allah in the backyard and making cou-cou and ouah-ouah sounds…. the next day it got louder. I knew I had to send her back when she put a white towel on her head and started walking like a mummy. It was FREAKY!”

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The Election

The absolutely worst scenerio for me. Here we are, most of us are in the UAE for the first time. Probably just arrived a month ago, feeling completely and utterly lost, and I am running against someone who has the answers to the questions on the minds of everyone in this room. Such as, where do I find Charmin toilet paper? A gas station? And Miracle Whip? I prepared a strategy which usually works for me. In a pinch crack a joke. Yes, absolutely, this is what I will do. And then it dawned on me. How exactly do I win the Korean vote? I’ve never gotten the punchline to a Korean joke — have you?

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The Interview Trip

Did I oversleep on the plane and wake up in the Phillipines? I thought to myself as I walked through the Abu Dhabi airport and noticed there were very few Arabs and hundreds of Filipinos. It was odd. I also found it interesting that there were people from all over the world dressed in a variety of different styles: fully covered, semi-covered, and not covered at all — not at all like I was expecting. Where are the swordsmen ready to behead me if I show my shoulders?

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The Plan

“I moved out of house 1 and into house 2. Have to unload/release 1, 2, 3 cars, sell the stuff in 1, 2, 3, 4 storage units that have been gathering dust since 2010. Obtain 1, 2, 3 visas to a country that doesn’t give them away liberally. Plan 2 vacations, 1 to bribe my […]

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