I Think That I Will Go Now

Ahhh, I forgot to post this before I left to visit my family. Better late than never.

I think I will go now. I am far overdue. I haven’t been home in …. gosh, almost a year or two.

There are many things I miss about home, such as BBQs, road trips and my family — those things are on the top of my list. I also miss the smell of grass, the sound of rain, and the feel of something familiar like I’ve known it all my life. Something that belongs to me, not something on loan, or something that can be taken away if I don’t watch my Ps and Qs.

I miss my history. My life that’s in a box waiting on a shelf in the garage. All my photos and mementos that have chronicled my life. The little things and trinkets that have made me, me. It’s really of no great importance to anyone else. In fact, they would think it is trash but to me it is priceless — it is my life from A to Z.

I miss my daydreams and my memories connected to a smell of something pleasing or something unpleasant. Either way it is mine triggered by something familiar that I have missed but completely unaware until — there it is, taking me back, making me feel as if I am once again in that moment that nobody else will recognize but me.

I think I will go now to see all of those things that mean so much to me.

I remember a time that no longer exists but it is still feels good to go and see, a place that’s etched in my memory of the spot I used to call home.  Sometimes it makes me sad that it will never be the same as when I was young but realize if it was I never would have left it in the first place. The truth is I squeezed the life out of it. I hugged it until it was dry. And then moved onto another place and hugged it tightly too. I have a habit of getting bored after a year or two.

Now I am on the other side of world. A place that is really far from home — if that is what I would like to call it. My home doesn’t exist anymore it’s just a memory filled with the people I love who never left and that are waiting there for me. I am looking forward to seeing the smiles. Hearing the stories and feeling the laughter that reminds me why I came back.

Somedays I wish I could go home to the place that I remember, that place that made me feel like I belonged. The truth is it doesn’t exist anymore but you don’t realize it until your gone. Visiting makes me both happy and sad for a time and a place that once was and for that special thing I once had.

I think that I will go now to the place I once lived to see the people who mean so much to me.